4 Reasons for Aggressive Behavior of Adults
We often talk about this or that behavior of small children, but this time we decided to pay attention to the behavior of parents. Our conversation is generally about good parents or those who love their children who are not in a stressful situation. Therefore, today we will separate and not discuss the cases when:
- A woman gave birth to a child in order to marry a man or, conversely, to marry only in order to have a child, in fact she does not like the father of the child and even irritates the little one with his qualities
- Parents are psychopathic individuals, have sadistic manifestations or have very weak ability to empathize, and consider the child as their property, the object of management
- Parents show aggression very rarely, in extreme situations, for example, when there is a strong fear or when they are late for an important meeting somewhere
In the first two cases the situation is so complicated that the parent’s attack on the child is only one manifestation of the general condition and its separate discussion makes no sense. In the latter case, there is nothing to discuss and the country will not turn around, sometimes if the parent gets angry. Of course, it is better not to do this, but we can not escape the fact that sometimes a person loses his balance and he is not an ideal creature.
When do parents show aggression
- General mental and physical exhaustion due to fatigue, financial problems, constant stress, prolonged illness of the child or health problems of the parent himself. This category sometimes includes parents who have adopted a child and have a difficult and time-consuming process of adaptation.
- Automatically copy your parents’ behavior model. Even when a person does not like their parents’ behavior model, alternative behaviors are difficult for them because they require constant control by the mind.
- Anxiety, suspicion, constant fear that something will happen to the child, desire to avoid any danger and trouble to the child, which often leads to intolerance of the child crying.
- A strong sense of guilt, though unknown, towards whom the fantasy is that his behavior will be condemned, punished, and the child will be considered less than others.
Despite the different nature of these four situations, they have one thing in common – in each of them the parent does not seem to be a large, adult and established person. He can not cope with life (exhaustion and anxiety), is not the owner of himself (automatic copying, feeling guilty). He is forced to play the role of parent, guardian, responsible, strong, although his inner state does not correspond to the above, he does not have the resources to perform this duty.
Parenting is not easy
In recent decades, a rather strange view has been formed that raising children is an extremely difficult thing to do. In addition there are only one or two children in the family, too many parents have a babysitter, the children go to pretty good kindergartens. Nevertheless, there is no stopping talking about the hard work of the parent and his or her hard work. Such inadequate perception of the current situation proves only one thing – people find it very difficult to play the role of a parent. There is an established belief that the mother is a tormented, helpless, tired person who “sacrifices her life”, her posture is provided by the scenario – if she did not suffer, then what is a mother ?! Fortunately, such a view is becoming less and less common among young people and has survived for generations of their parents. It should be noted that there is no direct link between a difficult material or living situation and parental fatigue. Someone is good at raising children, even though the battery lives in an apartment and does not have a large income, while others can not stand on their feet despite the lack of similar problems… They do not lie, they really feel that way, their body is exhausted, despite the luxury resort Rest with the nanny. The reason for such inadequate fatigue may be that the role of the parent is formed in the “head”, we do not master it in childhood, but in adulthood based on critical analysis of our parents’ behavior, reading books, imagination, dreams, beliefs, decisions and others. Such a role can be wonderful in its intent and content, but it is very different from the real, the natural. This difference can be compared to the difference between a gentle plant in a room and a shrub in nature. The first one does not have the resources after a small problem. So is a person – some of them, at the first resistance, no longer have patience, give up positions, and soon begin to say the words often heard in childhood – “Now I will feed you!”, “What are you, gone?”, “You can not send me!” In general, parental immobility catches the eye of anyone who observes parents on the street, in the garden, or elsewhere. This unformed condition of the parent is called power-loving care. According to the psychology of riding, this is the “caring alpha”. When the constituent “care” falters, in an unsafe situation for the child, the adult does not have the position of advocate, helper, problem solver; And when the “power” is weak, the responsibility for the existing is transferred to the child, while the adult demonstrates helplessness. Sometimes both moments are observed at the same time, which is especially undesirable.